It's May 1st. The trees are in bloom, and the tulips are all open, yet it is still a bit cold here. I walked into a room on Saturday and met someone. I talked to him, watched him speak, and spend the whole day with him and the rest of the group. He was attractive, and calm, with pretty green eyes. I thought to myself, how come I never noticed green eyes can be so beautiful...
We were away, and he gave me a ride back to town. We talked. And I smiled, as much as you can on the first work meeting with a coworker without being rude or flirtatious. He asked some questions, many of them personal, and I was reminding myself to stop daydreaming about him. That he is not interested in me in that sense, he is just simply curious.
I see many attractive guys, neither of them attract me. I might consider them for a physical relation at most, but that is it. I hardly feel my heart beating faster and harder, and I don't feel at ease about it nowadays. I like to have someone in my life, someone who is here to stay, and won't walk away with my heart in his hand. I can't accept that someone will be trustworthy and I have no clue how someone is going to convince me to trust them. All I know is that it will happen, and I'd know they are right by instinct.
I came to my room, thinking that I'd like to fall in love again. I like to spend warm weekends with someone special. I love to watch myself falling for someone, with each laughter, each gesture, each smile. Opened my laptop, sent a thank you email to the group, and added them on LinkedIn. Then updated my FaceBook status: Today could have had our first kiss. Today is so wasted...
1 comment:
I learned that the way the world works most of the time is if you want something too much and think too much about getting it you might get let down. But if you just enjoy it for what it is, not push or ask for anything more then it might happen. When it comes to relationships I found it works best when you don't push for it, just be yourself as if being with friends and if you do, they might be even more attracted to you, and if they aren't attracted to you then it might not be good chemistry. Of course when getting closer is when you want to start fighting harder, etc... Just my two cents. :)
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