Early Morning Diary

It's Tuesday morning.
Like the usual, I am sitting in the station, waiting for the train.
The station shade has a silhouette of a goose on it, that the sunlight reflects it on the pavement.
It is a white silhouette over a grey shade, which is interesting, as you always see the bird darker than the sky.
I think about the week before: about Ali's trip.
I think of all those old long conversations with people that you don't need to define yourself and your emotions for; as they already know everything about you, and the accepted you the way you are and they still love you.
I remember the night we went to the bar, and Erik showed up. I think about the way he was, so nice and gentle, and I think to myself that this is the first time someone is confusing me this much... And I remember Naomi, how drunk she was, and how desperate...
I think about how complicated some people want the life to be. I remember him saying he would email me, and he didn't; like the call he said he would make and he didn't, the message he said he would reply, and he didn't.
I think about the feeling I had when he left the bar with her, the tears in my eyes: he reminded me of Amin, of all those moments I watched him leave with Mona, in front of my eyes, not even caring about me. Erik broke something in me that night, something that I thought was already destroyed. He touched the old wound, and he slit it open again. And it is so hard to deal with this.
I think about Sara, my lovely sweet Sara. I think about her worries, that never end. I am thinking that in two weeks she might get engaged with Siavash, and I think about her simultaneous happiness and anxiety. I think about Siavash, of how I want to punch him once, for all the troubles he has caused.
And then, I think about Daniel, who has tiptoed his way in my life and is there right now. I think about how nice he is, how kind, and how easy one can fit him in my life: without any complication, any worries, any tears...
Something falls inside my heart when he says "Hello", that long and childish "Hello", that cute face, in the body of a soldier. And I think about how I wished he wasn't a soldier. It scares me. the fact that he might fight a war some day; that he might get killed; that he might kill...
I have to let the universe guide me again, only if I were that patient...